I took our youngest daughter out on a little adventure the other night, to an out-of-the-way dairy where they had their own ice cream, alpacas, sheep, and even a peacock. We fed the animals, enjoyed our ice cream, and took silly selfies. She had already had a full day at day camp, with swimming and crafts and lots of playtime. On the way home, she just conked out. And I looked at her face in my rearview mirror, asleep and contented, and was so grateful.
There was a season in life where that kind of outing would not have happened. There was a season where just getting the day to day stuff done was enough for me. I was feeling so overwhelmed, so exhausted, and so irritable that it limited me. Any social situations were stressful. Any extra needs our girls had felt impossible. I could not get my head above water and I needed help.
My husband and I talked about it and agreed that I needed to seek our doctor’s advice. I started on an anti-depressant and had my thyroid medication adjusted, and after a few months…well, the water only feels about ankle deep anymore, and I can walk through it with God’s help.
For some, hearing a pastor’s wife say that she struggles with anxiety and depression is shocking. For others, maybe not so much. My reason for sharing this is simple. I want you to understand that no one is immune, and everyone should be able to speak freely and seek the help they need without being ashamed.
I am able to see the blessings in each day, and able to work through my anxiety much more easily. I feel like a whole person again, and am grateful that this is the momma my girls get. I’m grateful my husband has a present, healthy wife. I am grateful. For silly selfies and ice cream and water balloon fights and silly songs in the car with our girls. For all of the extras that used to be draining but now are life-giving, I am grateful.