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I feel like my husband and I hold on to things very loosely.  We try to live in a posture of surrender and submission to the Lord, aware of what He is asking of us and how we can serve Him.  Recently, though, He showed me there’s something I have been holding onto a little too tightly.  You know how I know?  Because the thought of losing this particular thing caused me great anxiety.  Fear, even.  It cost me sleep and threw me back into some old, unhealthy habits.

I was reading through my Twitter feed this morning and came across something that stopped me in my tracks.  Paul Tripp tweeted these words…”Grace is not always comforting, sometimes grace is painful, but that pain is the pain of spiritual surgery done by our loving Savior.  Grace doesn’t deliver what we want, but what we need.  Sometimes we need the destruction of things in our life that have captured our hearts.  In the zeal of grace, God will faithfully do what is necessary to rescue and deliver us, so we’ll finally serve Him and Him alone.”  And I was all RETWEET and FIRE EMOJI because that just dropped real strong for me.

That was it!  I saw in that moment that my gracious Father was revealing something I had begun to love too much, place too much hope in.  By His grace, He kept me from careening down the path of disappointment.  Now, I’ll be honest.  In my head, at first, I was all, “Yes!  I totally get You on this.  I’m good with having to give it up.  And since I’m good with that now, I am sure You’ll let me keep it amirite?” …wink wink nudge nudge…

Then the Lord nudged me and showed me THAT RIGHT THERE meant I was still holding on.  And I sat in our kitchen and had a very honest talk with God about why this particular thing would be so hard to let go of, and all of the reasons why He shouldn’t ask this of me, and He asked me, “Do you trust Me?  Do you trust Me-that even if you need to give this thing up-that I know what is best for you?  That I know what is best for your family?  Can you let me do this how I want to do this?”

Just, silence.  This is the hard stuff.  I wrestled, He won.  As hard as it was, I knew I needed to trust Him.  There’s no resolution in sight, not in mine at least.  I have chosen to trust Him, and let go of this thing that I thought I needed.

If you are wrestling, you’re not alone.  Know, though, that we are in the hands of a loving Father who is gracious enough to give us what we need instead of what we want, and continually rescue and deliver us.