“Until the lion learns how to write, every story will glorify the hunter.” I saw this African proverb recently, and I haven’t been able to stop thinking about it. It came at a time when I was feeling like my writing didn’t have a purpose, that it was just a silly hobby. I’ve also been seeing and hearing from people in ministry who are tired of presenting a false self to others and are ready to be open about the struggles they’ve been facing. The timing of these things? Totally God.
There is a hunter in this world- one that stalks our joy, chases our peace, tries to shakedown our hope. I often get asked, “How do you do it? ” Our life is a full one, and most of you see only filtered glimpses of it, sanitized and captioned. The beauty is that I get to be honest and tell people about Jesus-He’s the why of it, and so much of the how of it. Polite conversation really isn’t the place for the next piece of the puzzle, which is the medication I take to treat depression. I have experienced the hunter, but the hunter will not write my story.
I need to write about this, to share this truth, because if I don’t the hunter still wins. You get an easy to digest version of me that seems like someone you may want to emulate (I get nauseous just writing that), but not the actual me. I tried to be so good at so much and it fried me. Anxiety went untreated and depression came to the party. I got there because I tried to be someone I wasn’t and didn’t rely on the grace of my Father to carry me.
So this story gets written because the hunter doesn’t win. I’m sharing my own imperfections without fear or shame because of the redemption from all of this is found in Christ. Praise God, it is not on me. He is taking the girl who tries too hard and giving her a story, one that tells others of His power made perfect in her own weakness.
Christ with me, Christ before me,
Christ behind me,
Christ in me, Christ beneath me,
Christ above me,
Christ on my right, Christ on my left,
Christ when I lie down, Christ when I sit,
Christ when I stand,
Christ in the heart of everyone who thinks of me,
Christ in the mouth of everyone who speaks of me,
Christ in every eye that sees me,
Christ in every ear that hears me.
(a traditional Irish prayer)